Monday, June 4, 2007

Why Poker Explains The World


Please don't post pictures of your detailed poker tattoos along with your crazy retorts. I have no patience for that kind of "look at me, LOOK AT MEEEE" gesture. I don't care if Chris Moneymaker himself sharpied the outline. Matter of fact, this particular topic shall run through your shirt sleeve to relevance itself to your full sleeve "All In" skin etching. There's the credence you were scratching for.

I am attempting to philosophize this activity not because I think that it is inherently relevant, but rather because I think virtually any activity, if looked at under the right kind of fluorescence, can be related to virtually anything. And because I played a few hands of No-Limit last evening... A jump shot could be a metaphor for business, a pedicure one for geology, and even a river dance to the sacrament of marriage(the more you kick with a straight face, the less futile your efforts will seem). Drawing similarities between something as straight(yes, intended) forward as poker, and the engineering that our world is programmed to follow, however, might be a little more complicated. But I am undeterred! So here goes.

I'm All In
I was lucky enough to have certain genes dealt to me at the start of my game. I am taller, faster and generally more physically adapt to play in this world than most, and even some of the "Smart" genes managed to slip through, as unbelievable as that was for some of my acquaintances. Of course I'm also way cool, totally sweet, and thoroughly rad too. So these, and other attributes and haves and have nots factor into your chip pile. Socio-economic status, big toe to index toe ratio, receding hairlines, weird laughing behavior, on and on...Point is this: Buy in is not without it's discriminations. Some get only a few hundred dollars worth of chips, others thousands. There is something very important to understand here, and that is this: Opportunity is proportionately represented by Means.

Your Buy In
We believe this country to be one where your success lies entirely in your hands. Land of opportunity. American Dream. Manifest Destiny. If you don't make it anywhere else, you sure can make it here. There are countless stories of migrants boating it to New York with only fifteen cents in their pocket, seven kids, three wives, a peg-leg and a blind dog and working their way up in some niche industry only a country like America would have a need for, like toe-nail clippers that double as walkie-talkies, starting their own family business, and spending the rest of their time fly-fishing in Colorado, encrusting wooden peg-legs in platinum and diamond. But those are few and far in between. We've all heard the phrase "the rich get richer". Fact is, you can be a C student, prance around citizen obligations, drink excessive amounts of alcohol, lie about doing all of those things, and still be in a position to position yourself to run the country, if you have the family means. How many times have you seem a poker star win the final table after being down in chips with a ratio of 4 or 5 to 1? Very rarely. More chips brings more chip power in your play, including any and all psychological maneuvering you wish to exude. Resorting to betting your entire stack becomes a frequent occurrence just to stay in the game for those holding nothing more than $377 worth.

The Flop
If you are holding pocket Jacks, then you did well in school my friend. You got a degree in Aeronautics, and theres an opening at NASA for a young, fresh face. But just because you got those Jacks hiding away in your pocket, doesn't mean that Jack from the other side of the table won't be able to muscle his way into the pot, or even beat you out with three Kings on the river, he did nothing but throw frat parties the seven years he spent at Uni, but even so, he has enough play potential to push you to the brink. So what do you do? You can't go in too strong before the flop, because then you'll be settling for a measly job at Toys'R'Us as the radio helicopter inspector, making sure there are no propelor injuries. A noble job sure, but one that pays 28,000 a year. At least they have unlimited bandage expenses for your fingers and nose. But If you don't catch another Jack on the turn, then you can't wait for the river to make your move. Kill now! Get to the NASA interview at 7, smell like peaches and lock up the position before other candidates offer sexual favors in zero gravity flights. That's your play.

Big Blind
Every hand at poker is different than the one preceding it, just as every situation and event in life is different, with it's own unique consequences. Each hand represents a moment in the life of you, and me. Some hands can't but suck you in, while others offer a fold as the only viable option. A 2 and a 6 isn't exactly the kind of hand that begs you to ante up, so don't spend money on any Adidas b-ballin sneaks if you only stand 4'9'', and stop waking up at 6, wasting time you could be spending watching cartoons and developing a sense of humor running off to track meets if your dad had a peg leg, and passed off the gene to you. It's all about knowing when to bet. Unfortunately, we'll have to ante up mandatory chips at various moments in the game, so realizing how to cut our losses effectively throughout is key.

Poker Face
It's common knowledge amongst professional poker players that poker accessories like tattoos and bulldogs named Raise are pretty much exclusive to poker novices. No one at the final table at the world championships has a spade nose ring. You never see the big dogs coming. Dudes with Mr. Bubbles t-shirts and acid washed jeans are the ones one needs to fear, not Boozer with his Harley Davidson shades and 3 foot long goatee. If you want to know who's going to be managing a Jamba Juice in 7 years, just look at the guy who's getting piggie back rides from the lacrosse team through the cafeteria. It's no secret that the nerds of yesterday are the bosses of today. You can't expect to advance to any higher table without knowing and understanding your opponents. Who we are is not who we seem to be. There are crucial moments when we crack through the mask and show a true image, and if you're not looking, you will miss it. One look at someone on a roll who starts broadcasting his/her ego to the table can tell you more about their character than years of association.

Cash In
You will never beat the house. There's no pessimism in that sentiment. All it is is a way to get you to know what a winning experience at the tables is. Be happy if you walk away on the win, kids in college and a wife that can cook up a storm in the kitchen AND the room of beds. You don't need to be the world champion to win the game. The aspiration drives us sure, but keep things in perspective.
Maybe poker's not even your game. Maybe you prefer the slots. In that case, be a hippie communist scum. Just don't give dreads to my kid unless I ask.

Danceeeng!

1 comment:

Unknown said...

HEY NADER; I ENJOYED READING YOUR POST ON POKER. IT WAS EVEN MORE AMUSING B/C I ALSO PLAY POKER EVERY NOW AND AGAIN. YOU'VE DONE A GREAT JOB ON DRAWING THE SIMILARITIES BETWEEN LIFE EXPERIENCES AND PLAYING POKER.
LIFE IS FULL OF RISKS AND UNEXPECTED SURPRISES NOT ALWAYS PLEASANT. I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW MANY TIMES I RISKED MORE THAN I SHOULD'VE AND HOW MANY TIMES, I DIDN'T TAKE THE NECESSARY RISKS. I WISH WE WERE EQUIPPED WITH AN ALARM SYSTEM THAT WOULD GO OFF EVERYTIME WE WERE ABOUT TO "CALL AND RAISE" AT THE WRONG TIME.
THERE'S BEEN MANY TIMES WHEN I'M THE POOR SOUL WHO HAS THE POCKET JACKS BUT IS UPSTAGED BY THE "QUEEN" WHO'S HOLDING POCKET TWOS AND THERE'S THE THIRD 2 ON THE RIVER!
EVEN THOUGH WORKING HARD AND BELIEVING IN YOURSELF ARE THE GATE WAY TO A BETTER FUTURE, THE COMBINATION OF GOOD GENES AND BOUNTIFUL FAMILY INHERITANCE, CAN CONSIDERABLY IMPROVE YOUR LUCK, OR SO I'M TOLD.
AND LASTLY DON'T JUDGE A BOOK BY ITS COVER.
I'M GOING KEEP MY EYES PEELED FOR THAT MOMENT OF ILLUMINATION AND LUCIDITY WHEN THE MASK SLIPS, TO GET A GLIMPSE OF THE FACE IT HIDES. UNTIL THEN, I WILL KEEP ON TRYING TO BEAT THE ODDS, PLAY THE GAME OF LIFE AND EVERY NOW AND THEN GO DANCING.
LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK OF "BLACK JACK".